Delta Force Barracks Forums

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces

Cho-zen - 6-1-2003 at 01:36 PM


I found this on a Special Forces Site....

The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations:

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.

Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather.

AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red.

UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.

B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake equiptment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills it. Crew cheif uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.

Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.

Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.

Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-snake missions, accidentally electrocuted snake in the process.

Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on improving flood plain, cant do it because snake is on the endangered species list.

Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.


Here is the site Special Forces

Blitz - 6-2-2003 at 05:36 AM

That is some funny [Censored] man. You got a lot of time on your hands dont you, lol.

Commando~MC~ - 6-2-2003 at 06:18 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by ~A*Swat*Member~
Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.
isnt that the truth, lol;)

Chud - 6-2-2003 at 06:44 AM

LOL

Gen.Walker_53rd - 6-2-2003 at 07:28 AM

lol

Steptoe - 6-2-2003 at 07:37 AM

Realy like it lol
But then im not American lol
Thats got to get a bite (snake?)

Commando~MC~ - 6-2-2003 at 12:20 PM

and not to mention the supply one is the gods honest truth. im the assitant supply in my NJROTC and whenever we need something bad by a certain day, it never shows up...

last time we needed something i just went about 10 miles down the road and bought it at a military surplus and sent them the bill

Gen.Walker_53rd - 6-2-2003 at 02:14 PM

Thats what my AFJROTC unit did, could not count on supply at the base for anything

Talb09 - 6-6-2003 at 01:34 PM

lol:D:D:D

Mojo2004 - 6-11-2003 at 10:39 PM

lol- funny, and also true!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

~SA~MB - 6-13-2003 at 12:42 PM

LOL:D So true.

Airborne =QRF= - 6-20-2003 at 06:04 PM

sweet, like that one alot

Funny but I disagree

SSgt Whitehurst - 6-24-2003 at 04:05 AM

Yeah, those are pretty funny and not meant to be taken seriously, but I just have to stick up for my Marines. We are the most highly trained infantry in the world. That is a undeniable proven fact. Way more so than the Army, Navy, or AF. Force Recon is also one of the best reconnaissance forces out there. Maybe the best, because they do very little actual fighting and 95% is recon. But like I said, they are funny, but I just had to pull through for the Corps.


"....Now consider that Marine Scout/Snipers are required to hit a target at over a half mile away, with only one shot and no chance to make adjustments. All this on a mission that may last for days, in any weather, against an enemy trying to kill you like a pesky varmint. It is a bizarre way to make a living, and the men who do it are strange birds. But to an enemy, the M40A1 in the hands of a skilled Marine Scout/Sniper is a hellish weapon, more feared than even a bomber loaded with napalm! It is scary to know that you might be hunted by another man; and this makes it tough to do your job. The overwhelming psychological impact of the sniper helps to explain why the Corps invests so much in maintaining this capability."
Tom Clancy
Author"

Army/Marines...

OffensiveNameChanged - 7-2-2003 at 04:40 PM

OK i gotta comment on Whitehurts comment lol! 1st off, if the Marines are highly trained compared to the army, why is it that the Marines all go to ARMY schools?(right about now your scratching your head thinking "He's right") AIRBORNE, Air Assualt, Pathfinder. HALO, Dive School, EOD, Ranger, SF...Need i go on? i have 3 guys whom i work with (all former marines) and its the same deal. the only difference is the hats/headgear! im not saying any one of the two are better. it just's lights my fuse to hear the Ignorance of IM A MARINE. IM BETTER Uga Buga caveman stuff.:D

Let me explain

SSgt Whitehurst - 7-6-2003 at 04:49 PM

Well, OffensiveNameChanged, let me explain. First of all, I was talking about the general infantry. The Marines have a better trained infantry than any other infantry. Well, let me rephrase that for you. The Marines are trained much longer, therefore producing a better, more refined end product. The Marines basic recruit training lasts for 12 weeks. The second longest is the Army, which lasts 9 weeks. Thats 21 more days that the Marines train. Right away that should tell you something. Go here( http://usmilitary.about.com/library/weekly/aa043000a.htm ) to read about the army's recruit training and go here( http://usmilitary.about.com/library/weekly/aa060400a.htm ) to read about the Marines recruit training. They are very detailed and interesting to read. Keep in mind that an expert writes these, and in both descriptions, he says that the Marine's RT is much more challenging--physically and mentally than any other service. Anyways, lets move on. You say, and I quote,

"1st off, if the Marines are highly trained compared to the army, why is it that the Marines all go to ARMY schools?(right about now your scratching your head thinking "He's right") AIRBORNE, Air Assualt, Pathfinder. HALO, Dive School, EOD, Ranger, SF..."

By the way, I did not scratch my head and say "he's right", I laughed and said, "What the [Censored] is this guy talkin' about?" All Marines don't go to Army schools. As a matter of fact, hardly any do. One of the only ones that you mentioned that is actually relevent to Marine training is Dive school and the majority of Marines go to NAVY dive school. Yes, that's right, the Navy has a dive school too. Why would we want to go to a land force's dive school when we could go to ocean forces one? You mentioned EOD too. The Marines have their own EOD MOS so that another down for you. There are very very few Marines that go to any form of jump school or para school. The ones that do are part of some SpecOps force. By the way, the Marines already have their own SF's to join. First they have Force Recon, which mainly does just that, reconn. BUT not many know this yet but they just implemented a NEW SPECIAL FORCES unit in the Marines. They're called Detachment One. Right now it only a hand-picked 86 man unit. After its initial trails it will grow larger. You can read a news article about it here( http://www.defense-aerospace.com/data/communiques/data/2003J... ) You also mentioned the Rangers. That is true. There are Marines that go to Ranger school and thats because if they didn't there would be no quality Rangers:D. Nah, just kidding. I have respect for all Rangers alike, army, marines whatever. Once they get through it though, they all kind of think of themselves as Rangers and not an army guy or a Marine.
Alot of people don't like the Marines, and this is true. Other branches are very spiteful of Marines, this is also true. AF doesn't like us because we fly our own fighters and fighter/bombers. I'm not saying we don't use the AF, because we do, but they don't like the idea that we fly ourselves sometimes. The Navy doesn't like us because we just use them to give us a ride somewhere. When we ride on there aircraft carriers and are loading up our CRRC's they just have to stand and watch as we go ashore, and we joke around and tease them too. The army doesn't like us because we are the only other "infantry" there is. Finally the reason the Army has all of the schools is because, well...lets look at the numbers. The Army has the largest force. There are approximately 76,000 officers and 401,000 enlisted members in the active duty Army. Thats alot. More so than any other branch. On the other hand, the Marines are the smallest branch of the military. There are approximately 18,000 officers and 153,000 enlisted personnel on active duty in the Marines. Now, who do you think is going to get all the funding and money from the DoD? Alright then. The Army gets the money, they get the schools.
You also say in the end and I quote,

"it just's lights my fuse to hear the Ignorance of IM A MARINE. IM BETTER Uga Buga caveman stuff."

Well, don't let it light your fuse 'cause i'll stomp your [Censored]in' fuse out and thats not ignorance, dip[Censored], thats pride. You wouldn't know too much about that. I can tell your not in the military because ALL branches have their own pride. Plus it's wide known that most all Marines are just like me with the pride of our Corps. Consider this quote from an unknown source

"US Marines are the most peculiar breed of human beings I have ever witnessed. They treat service as if it was some kind of cult, plastering their emblem on almost everything they own, making themselves look like insane fanatics with haircuts to ungentlemanly lengths, worshipping their Commandant almost as if he was a god, and making wierd animal noises like a gang of savages. They'll fight like rabid dogs at the drop of a hat just for the sake of a little action, and are the ****iest sons of [Censored]es I have ever known. Most have the foulest mouths and drink well beyond man's normal limits, but their high spirits and sense of brotherhood set them apart and, generally speaking, the United States Marines I've come in contact with are the most professional soldiers and the finest men and women I have ever had the pleasure to meet..."

So, you see, don't give me bull[Censored] man. I don't have time to type all this [Censored] up. Don't talk about things that you have no knowledge on. I have respect for all branches of the military, but I belong to the Corps. and I will stick up and defend it. Even in this dang forumn where only a few will about it. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
SEMPER FI!!!!!!

"....Now consider that Marine Scout/Snipers are required to hit a target at over a half mile away, with only one shot and no chance to make adjustments. All this on a mission that may last for days, in any weather, against an enemy trying to kill you like a pesky varmint. It is a bizarre way to make a living, and the men who do it are strange birds. But to an enemy, the M40A1 in the hands of a skilled Marine Scout/Sniper is a hellish weapon, more feared than even a bomber loaded with napalm! It is scary to know that you might be hunted by another man; and this makes it tough to do your job. The overwhelming psychological impact of the sniper helps to explain why the Corps invests so much in maintaining this capability."
Tom Clancy
Author"

and...

SSgt Whitehurst - 7-10-2003 at 01:17 AM

and you misspelled my last name. Its Whitehurst, not Whitehurts.

KAH Pimp - 7-10-2003 at 01:42 AM

Pops was Airborne
Uncle some sort of Army Special Forces in Nam (don't ask i dunno :D )
Bro in law is Marine -- combat engineer
Buddy who is like a brother -- Navy
Me -- just a lowly grafix wanna be
that was funny as hell -- but I gotta say I respect all the branches for obvious reasons -- and that part about
Quote:

"US Marines are the most peculiar breed of human beings I have ever witnessed. They treat service as if it was some kind of cult, plastering their emblem on almost everything they own, making themselves look like insane fanatics with haircuts to ungentlemanly lengths, worshipping their Commandant almost as if he was a god,


iss soooo true :D:D --- it even carries on down to they wives(ie my sis)/gf's

in closing -- Teufel hunden

It really is.

SSgt Whitehurst - 7-10-2003 at 03:46 AM

Yeah, it really is true. All of the stuff I listed plus much more I didn't. Alot of people don't realize just how much pride is ingrained in the Corps. and how much pride Marines have for the Corps. Many will fight over it. I've been in bars before where there is another base besides Marines nearby and when you mix soldiers and Marines, or flyboys and Marines, alcohol, and egos, you'll soon have a very big fight. But that is all in prides name.

I think one of the reasons for the extreme amount of pride is that the Marines have the fewest number of enlisted men and officers in the armed services and they work so closely together, alot of comradery. Like one big happy family:D.
And after all, we are The Few, The PROUD, The Marines.
SEMPER FI!!!!!!!